the UNCATEGORISED : Daily Prompt | Green-Eyed Monster

Tell us about the last time you were really, truly jealous of someone. Did you act on it? Did it hurt your relationship? 

I have always wanted to be better than I am, to do more than I do. It’s just in my nature to want it all but ever at the expense of others. I come from a background of being surrounded by brilliant people. I come from a generation where celebrity and the way you look is scrutinised and lauded to be perfect. I come from a generation of DIY types. Everywhere I turn there is someone doing it themselves, now with so much at our fingertips everyone is an entrepreneur, everyone is an artist or creative. So its like a default setting to envy those who succeed, because it seems so easy but if anything it’s harder than ever because someone else is doing it and maybe doing it better. 

If I had to pick there are two people I envy, who also epitomise an impressive level of sheer brilliance whilst still being so close in age to me, with seemingly similar artistic sensibilities but have managed to get there first: Actor, Writer, Producer, Director and now Author Lena Dunham and poet and illustrator Laura Dockrill. 

The former is admittedly the envy of a lot of people young and old. She’s already accomplished so much, things that I could only ever dream to but I like her. I like her work ethic, I like that she is genuinely smart and she clearly deserves everything that she is getting. So I am writing, i am networking I am believing I can do the same and I appreciate everything, all the opportunities, the set backs and the fact that Dunham is kind of doing first.

Laura Dockrill is a little bit of a different case. We were at college together and she was in my English class. We had a brilliant teacher (shout out to Mrs Nelson) but she was in the Theatre Strand: so naturally she was semi-popular, kooky, smart and had already displayed a frightening sense of personal style and self-confidence; I was in the Media Strand we were film geeks, we were smart and cool but wholeheartedly self-conscious and sensitive.

Laura has gone on to create some award-winning and wonderful work in the literary world, she’s associated with fabulous well-known friends and she is only going to get better. Also she’s bloody lovely, and it’s this that hones my jealously. Nice people deserve nice things. She’s also smart and extremely talented. Her cited influences are also mine. I was a little peeved she got to announce them to the world before I did, I even told my unsuspecting friends that she was clearly stealing my life; but her success makes me feel successful by proxy. I got into the same school, I work hard, I made different choices but  they haven’t hindered me – they’ve only cemented my future success because I am more rounded in what I know; I know what I don’t want to do and she has made me realise what I can do.

I am a jealous person. Although if truth be told, I can’t figure out where adoration ends and jealousy begins. Let me point out, it’s never detrimental to my mental state or my character; I like to think I use jealousy as a drive, a motivation to strive for better and do better or if anything it makes me reflect on my own fortunes before I fall into a trap of redundant comparisons.

{featured image taken my me at the Göteborgs konstmuseum | Bruce Nauman, Life and Death, 1983, neon tubing.}

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6 thoughts on “the UNCATEGORISED : Daily Prompt | Green-Eyed Monster

  1. Pingback: My very own green eyed monster | New Visions
  2. Pingback: Daily Prompt: Jealous Is Not A Word Here | My Daily Prompt Blog
  3. Pingback: Jealously and Gin (Short Fiction) | The Jittery Goat
  4. jealousy can be a driving force to greatness … and I totally get what it feels like to at least think somone else has stolen my life. Anyway, just stopping in – albeit a day late – from the jealousy prompt.

    • Hey you, thanks for the comment. I like to think of it that way – if only to stop myself being bitter! i’ve had enough of being depressed so try to channel everything as fuel to do something more worthwhile – come by more! x

  5. Pingback: Ireland, 75 shades of green | Ireland, Multiple Sclerosis & Me

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