TOP TEN: SUPER…HEROES ?

  1. Hayden Panettiere as Claire Bennet in ‘Heroes’ .

    Claire Bennet, like many before her and yet to come, didn’t ask to be different. Safe and comfortable conforming within the High School social restrictions John Hughes often exposed wasn’t easy, and being able to jump of buildings , break every bone in her body and still live to tell the tale clearly didn’t make her social life easier – ‘Freak’ I think she used in the first season.  She began to fight back however when it became apparent that life would never be about boys and hitched hemlines again, and when she did grasp this she used her unwanted immortality to epic use and for a while (kind of switched off Heroes after the first half of season 3) she kicked ass, all the while throughout the first Season wearing a cheerleading costume and sporting great hair,  which is why she goes in my Top Ten. Oh and because of that line Save the Cheerleader Save the World”.

Cast of E4s Misfits L -R: Lauren Socha, Nathan Stewart-Jarrett, Antonia Thomas, Robert Sheehan and Iwan Rheon

2. Misfits are exactly that a bunch of ASBOs turned into unlikely superheroes – I say superheroes, they attain their ‘powers’ after a freak storm and as of yet haven’t done much to save the lives of others, just their own . The point is they are made up of people we have either come in to contact with, seen or heard of. The gobby chav, the cocky crude class clown, the girl all the guys want to know, the guy no one wants to know and the gifted friend of a friend whos doing everything better in life than you – throw them some unfortunate but not unlikely situations and they end up with ASBOs (Anti Social Behaviour Offenders) . The reason I have these rot bags in the top ten is because their powers are not  spectacular, if anything (in the words of Rob Sheehan at the Q&A I recently went to) ‘they’re powers are more of a nuisance‘ but they deal with it the best way they can and all in there ASBO orange jumpsuits. There is nothing more appealing than the underdog, the unlikely superhero (usually all of them) but the fact that for once, they really do look like everyday people I see on the street and moreover they embody a British take on a very American formula is win win. I can’t wait to see what happens in the rest of the second season.

Chloe Moretz as Hit Girl (Kick Ass 2010)

3. Hit Girl, bad ass, blade-wielding, martial arts fighting purple wigged foul-mouthed and all under 5 foot. She is perhaps one of the best unconventional and controversial superhero’s to come out since Watchmen’s The Comedian and Nick Fury embodying both of their painfully cool persona’s with a cocktail of cynicism, intelligence and wit that outshines her cohorts and enemies…and this is all in the body of a child.

 

Nick Cage as Big Daddy *swoon*

4. Big Daddy. Because he is played by Nicholas Cage in the movie version of KICK ASS. That’s the Big Daddy I fell in love with. Nick Cage.

To infinity and beyond!

4. Buzz Lightyear is not just an action figurine. He is a superhero of transformer proportions echoing the  late 80s early 90s stocky hard plastic toys I used to have fun playing with as well as my Roller blading Barbie. Seeing him in the first box office released Computer Animation at the age of ( 9? I was effing 9 in 1995 so weird it wasn’t that long ago…I don’t think Justin Bieber was born – Oh lord.  *Justin Bieber and the other kids that dominate the press these days were either A not around during Toy Story or B won’t remember it because they were in Pampers* Any way before I question my life experiences and achievements, I will access that Buzz Lightyear was perhaps the first parody of a superhero done successfully. Over confident, obnoxious and a little arrogant, but brilliant all the same. Plus he had that catchphrase. Superman had the John William’s theme tune, Batman had the Bat Mobile and other snazzy gadgets to distract from the fact he was powerless – Buzz had “To Infinity and beyond” Bloody fab.

 

Jesus

5. Jesus controversial I know. But if you read the bible (not preaching here, being observant) it kind of reads like a back story comic up until the birth of Christ. Like an X-MEN Origins comic. When Jesus arrives he does amazing things. Like most superheroes he was a vigilante, not abiding by the Laws of heretic Kings and Roman Leaders with the odd arch-enemy (Satan… and the Romans) and villain thrown in along the way (most notably Pilate and King Herod) But nonetheless he performed miracles, was persecuted, died then resurrected before sacrificing himself for mankind. Hero complex. Jesus. Super. Done.

Jeffrey Dean Morgan is hot.

6. The Comedian well, he’s hot. He was slightly debauched with the smoking and drinking…he is technically deceased but meh.  He tried to rape Sally Jupiter (original Silk Spectre)  but she forgave him, and he sooner or later showed he wasn’t all bad. If we revert to the movie and the delicious Denny Jeffrey Dean Morgan’s performance it’s not hard to like the anti-hero. I like his moustache and his raspy voice *swoon*

The gorgeous Aaron Johnson as KICK-ASS

7. Kick ASS. Move over ‘everyman’ superhero/vigilante Spiderman you’ve been replaced (note: ok so the latter had a power of some sort, but the alternative is Batman, and recently he’s been awesome). Dave Lizewski aka KICK ASS is a teenager who like most of us then and secretly still now wished that we had the balls to kick some butt, but he actually does it. Albeit not very well to begin with but when he meets Hit-Girl and Big Daddy then all is forgiven. Kick Ass doesn’t shy away from the imperfections of youthdom much like the kids in Misfits he is actually a bit of a loser, an underdog in the true sense and simply puts the question in to practice ‘why has no one ever tried it?’ What I really love is that the dimension of his character is wholly intertwined with ours today. The YouTube upload that gets him hits and overnight success, the MySpace page he uses to lure call outs (take that Batman and your ancient bat light…what if its raining huh? ever thought about that?) and the fact the kid uses Ebay to order in his costume. Priceless. He is the epitome of a DIY hero and all completely attainable. Plus Aaron Johnson has such beautiful eyes and really pulls off the American accent in this movie.

Alley Katz images ©AshleyBoddy

8. Alley Katz. Now unlike most of you I have been a Superhero. I hung up my BluderGirl skipping rope a year ago. Seriously if you do not believe me look here. There’s more proof, but I do not like to brag. We three fought crime in the parallel town of Salt Lake, but it wasn’t all high kicks and knives. We used 80s music and disco beats and usually defeated robots, Freudian challenged male villains and time-lords with synchronised dance moves and the mantra of Girl Power. It was a 3 year stint that I was proud of, and one that the children of Glastonbury and for a time cybernet enjoyed. I had fans. Now we’re looking in to other ventures so watch this space.

Tony Stark is Rob Downey Jr and versa

9. Iron Man+ Tony Stark+Rob Downey Jr = recipe for success. Like Nick Cage you don’t ask why. Seriously though, Iron Man perhaps not the worst of controversial superhero’s and more controversial than ever – he has no secret identity. This intrigues me,, I mean we all know who he is, therefore he can’t hide, ever (Bruce Wayne) but unlike Wayne he loves the attention, he survives on recognition. Ultimately the superheroes we all know and love always start to question their position as heroes and begin to resent their double lives usually expressing a want to reveal their other selves to a love interest or family member etc…before it is concluded that it is better to remain hidden for the sake of said loved ones and their own need to feel in control. Not Tony Stark, nope he is Iron Man loud and clear, he’s a bachelor with no commitments and he’s rich. In a world where celebrity is king and media is executioner I wouldn’t be surprised if humanitarian Kevin Costner stopped saving penguins and plugging oil spills in favour of inventing a suit, flying around and kicking some BP chairman butts instead.

Naruto the 2D Ninja hero

10. Naruto is a 2D animated Japanese Manga ninja. He is awesome and he’s been awesome from the age of 12 and he’s still only 17. This blue-eyed blonde scrote is annoying, arrogant and talkative. He also puts his money where his mouth is and proves his worth all through the painful display of hard work, strong will and determination. Never will you witness a harder working young hero with a moral compass that exceeds even Superman’s. This kid is something else and although he is technically a ninja, he has powers, he is super and has proved heroism countless of times throughout the comic.

 

And that is my list of debatable heroes. Next I’ll be doing a top 10 list of Cloud shapes. Thanks and goodnight.

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